);
}
/* live dark/light switch — dark is the default; flipping sets data-theme="light"
on . No persistence (out of scope). */
function ThemeToggle() {
const [light, setLight] = React.useState(() => document.documentElement.getAttribute("data-theme") === "light");
const flip = () => {
const next = !light;
setLight(next);
if (next) document.documentElement.setAttribute("data-theme", "light");
else document.documentElement.removeAttribute("data-theme");
};
return (
);
}
function WindowsGlyph() {
return ;
}
const HECKLES = [
"Oh, a spreadsheet. Bold choice for a Tuesday.",
"You've opened that doc nine times. Just write it.",
"A meeting that could've been an email. Nice.",
"Close the tab. You know the one.",
"Inbox zero? In this economy?",
];
function Hero() {
const [i, setI] = React.useState(0);
const [hov, setHov] = React.useState(false);
const firstBubble = React.useRef(true);
React.useEffect(() => { firstBubble.current = false; }, []);
const bubbleText = hov ? "hey. hands off." : HECKLES[i % HECKLES.length];
return (
Anti-productivity software · Windows 10/11
He lives on your desktop. He is not impressed.
CHUDMATE is a crude little gremlin who wanders your screen and heckles you while you try to work. He is the opposite of a productivity app, on purpose.
}>Download for Windows
★ 4.9 on itch.io~4MB · no account · no telemetry · all vibes
{/* lime is a light surface in every scheme — scope the plate light so
its ink-on-lime die-cut detailing survives on dark pages */}
{/* the living chud — breathing, cursor-tracked eyes, hover recoil, poke squash */}
setI((n) => n + 1)} hovering={hov} setHovering={setHov} />
{bubbleText}
);
}
function TrustStrip() {
const items = ["Wanders your desktop", "Reacts to your apps", "Drags around windows", "Fully ignorable", "Crude on purpose", "Over 200 heckles"];
return ;
}
function Features() {
const feats = [
{ h: "He wanders", p: "CHUDMATE strolls across your desktop, sits on your taskbar, and leans on your windows like he owns the place." },
{ h: "He heckles", p: "Open a spreadsheet, join a call, or alt-tab for the fortieth time — he has a comment, and it is rarely kind." },
{ h: "He reacts", p: "He notices which app is focused and adjusts his disappointment accordingly. Gaming? He approves. Email? He sighs." },
{ h: "He's ignorable", p: "Click him into a corner, mute him, or banish him entirely. He'll be back. He always comes back." },
];
return (